New Mothers

The Partner’s Role with New Mothers

Yes, the woman is the pregnant one, but someone else got her that way and more than likely is involved with the pregnancy. Where are the books and support groups for men and female partners of pregnant women? Understanding their role of support is difficult because there are a tremendous amount of hormones going through the woman.

Once you find out your partner, daughter or friend is pregnant the role is simple, be available. Make yourself ready to be supportive of their needs. There are a litany of doctor’s appointments, gender ultrasounds, glucose tests and general worries associated with being pregnant. Many women choose to wear a strong face and internalize all the problems and worry associated with being pregnant, but the truth is, all women need support and encouragement during this time.

Men cannot experience the joy and struggle of being pregnant. While female partners and friends may have been through a similar experience, every pregnancy is different. Just because one woman had a glowing and gentle pregnancy doesn’t mean the next woman won’t get high blood pressure or gestational diabetes. Be supportive of the woman’s decision to have a natural birth or caesarian section.

The role of the partner in the pregnancy is patience and understanding. Yes, you may have to run out at night to get salt and vinegar chips and a sample pack of ice cream. It’s all part of the deal. Be sure to have the car always gassed up so you can drive them to their doctor’s appointments.

Once the baby arrives life the role of the partner changes. The first week after the baby is born is a whirlwind. If the mother is breastfeeding she will need to be ready to feed the baby at a moment’s notice. When the baby awakes in the middle of the night and mom is preparing to get into position, get up and retrieve the baby from the nursery. Change the baby’s diaper and bring the child to the mother. So often partners feel left out when mothers are breastfeeding because the partner is unable to experience that special bonding time. Claim your own time, be a part of the process, even if that only means changing diaper, wiping up spit or bathing the child.

Also during the first week help the mother rest. The key for new moms is to sleep when the baby sleeps. Have someone else come in and clean the house or do laundry. Ask friends of the mother to bring a meal or freeze one ahead of time so dinner time is simple yet nutritious. Talk with the mother about visitation so you can properly inform friends and family when they can and cannot come visit. In-laws are always itching to see the family’s new addition so be sure to set boundaries.

This is a time for joy, but it also very trying, tiring and emotional for all involved. Remember the priority is the mother and baby. Just because you may have to get up and work during the day, doesn’t mean you’re the one who gets to sleep through the night.

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